(UN)RELIABLE SOURCES:

GIVE A PLOWMAN A BREAK

by FRANK O'DONNELL
January 27, 2008

What is it about North Providence that brings out bizarre criminal acts in people?

In the fall, we had that young lady who allegedly threatened someone in the drive-thru line at a local donut shop.

Now that it’s winter, we’ve got the story of a local fellow arrested for threatening a snow plow driver.

As reported, the plowman happened on a car parked in the roadway during a snow storm. A parking ban was in effect. The plowman asked a passerby if he knew who owned the car.

The passerby, according to the reports, answered with an obscenity.

Okay, that’s fairly common around here. Not an excuse, but it happens. A lot.

But all things common went bye-bye with the passerby’s next alleged statement. “I have a bullet with your name on it.”

The plowman took this as a threat and called the police. The police arrested the passerby for disorderly conduct.

When I first read about it, I figured there had to be more to this story.

It was the middle of a snowstorm. Plow engines make a lot of noise, as do the sanders they lug around. The wind was howling. Perhaps when the plowman inquired about the car’s ownership, the passerby heard, “Hey, why don’t you move your (obscenity) car?”

If that happened, you can understand the passerby taking offense. Certainly, going into his house to get a bullet with the plowman’s name on it was an overreaction.

Now, on the other hand, it’s possible the passerby thought he recognized the plowman as an old friend, Joe Smith. And just to be nice, he said, “Hey, Joe, I picked up a bullet with your name on it. Let me go in and get it.”

This also works if the passerby has an old friend named Bob Wesson, Harry Remington, Walter Winchester, and many others.

Whatever the real story, I think our plow drivers might be a little gun-shy with the next storm. To make them feel safer in my neighborhood, I’m converting some leftover political lawn signs to read: “Bullet-Free Zone. Please Plow.”
           
WHEN I’M WRONG, I’M WRONG. In my last column, I suggested that the official mantra of the Public Works folks this winter was “Let ‘Er Melt.” I predicted that the same thing that happened with the December 13th storm would happen again. As I wrote the column, the snow was starting to fall, and everything had been shut down. But Public Works had even the side roads clear by noon. So my prediction was wrong – which qualifies me to be a meteorologist, I guess.

REFLECTING ON REFLECTORS. I’ve noticed that a lot of the reflector lawn-end markings have returned in my neighborhood. My last column reported that many had been plowed away, but they’re back. Hope springs eternal, I guess.

WHERE DID THESE LEAVES COME FROM? One reader wrote in with a pet peeve: the way the leaves that neighbors deposit curbside in the fall get plowed into his yard in the winter. So when the snow melts, the citizen who’d been meticulous in removing his leaves now has everyone else’s leaves to contend with. In a way, this is the way glaciers formed a lot of our topography, pushing things along and depositing them where they hadn’t been before. If nothing else, this could be seen as educational. For any kids out there, I’ll be no one else is doing this for the Science Fair this year.

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Got some fun stories to share about the snow in North Providence? Then grab some bread and milk and share them! The stories, that is. No one expects you to share the bread and milk. Send the stories to frankocomedy@cox.net, and tell me you want to join the North Providence Gang while you’re at it.