(UN)RELIABLE
SOURCES: 048
WHAT A YEAR, IN REVIEW!
by FRANK O'DONNELL
December 20, 2007
That ticking noise you hear is the clock running out on 2007.
Before the year ends, why not take a look back at the stories that made North Providence the fun place it is in the past 12 months.
WHAT DO WE DO WITH CAMP MEEHAN?
Some developers want to convert some prime open space into some not-so-prime condominiums. The plan wasn’t so well received, so the developers came back with a plan to turn the space into an amusement park. That wasn’t so well received either.
By the middle of 2008, you can expect the developers to propose using the area as an alternate NASA launch site. Then people will be saying, “You know what, condos aren’t so bad.”
WHO NEEDS TREES, ANYWAY?
Someone’s been slowly and steadily deforesting our formerly bucolic little town. It’s all been done in the name of safety. And let’s not forget the public health issue. After all, it just won’t do to have a sick tree providing you shade during a blazing hot July afternoon double header at the ball field.
One correspondent wrote that he’s seeing entirely new vistas around town thanks to the removal of arboreal barriers. He’s not sure that’s a good thing.
WHAT DID THEY DO WITH MY SKATEBOARD PARK?
Remember the skateboard park that used to sit at the top of Stephen Olney Park?
Now it sits at the bottom of Stephen Olney Park.
We could have waited for a good mudslide instead of hiring the contractors to take it apart and put it back together downhill.
Or I’ll bet if we asked nicely, the skateboarders would have trucked it down, one piece at a time, on their boards.
WHEN’S THE NEXT ELECTION?
Late winter into early spring was an interesting time in North Providence. There was a lot of dirt dug up in the mayoral race, but to this day, we still can’t find the folks with the dirty hands. Go figure.
Note to future candidates: having a box of Coco Crisps on the counter is not proof of residency for anyone. Cocoa Krispies either.
And guess what?
We get to do this whole election thing all over again in 2008.
Can someone say yippee?
WHAT’S UP WITH ALL THESE RODENTS?
I’m not sure what the placemats at the Chinese restaurants in town say, but this was definitely the Year of the Rat in North Providence. They even got their own special Town Council meeting, where everyone agreed something must be done.
I’m not sure if anything was done.
But, the experts said that warm winters had allowed the rat population to thrive around Fruit Hill.
Looks like we’ve got that warm winter thing covered this year.
Keep your eyes peeled for six-inch high snowmen, though. Maybe some of these rats have adapted.
WHERE’S THAT LOWE’S GOING AGAIN?
2008 could be the year that sees North Providence’s prime intersection put to good use once again.
The last time anyone mentioned it, there was a Lowe’s going into the space evacuated by Rizzo Ford.
And don’t worry, fellow motorist, it’s not going to cause any traffic problems on either Douglas Avenue or Mineral Spring Avenue. A computer model told us so.
That same computer also predicts that snow left on a roadway will eventually melt, the closer we get to April.
BY THE WAY, WHERE’S THE PLOW?
The Late Fall Storm is still fresh in our minds, but I have to ask: where were all the plows? They were scarce in my neighborhood – yours too, I’ll bet.
As I write this, my street has more nooks and crannies than a Thomas’ English Muffin. Ice caked on so thick, I predict the glaciers are making a comeback.
Ever wanted to know what it felt like to ride a buckboard in the Old West? Drive down my street before the Let It Melt policy actually kicks in, and you’ll find out.
And notfanuttin’, didn’t Mineral Spring Avenue used to have sidewalks? I could have sworn they were there a couple of Wednesdays ago.
Let’s hope 2008 can be every bit as entertaining as 2007 has been. Personally, I’m betting on it.
***
Make it a New Year’s resolution to join my North Providence Gang. Send me an email at frankocomedy@cox.net and tell me to sign you up. Periodically, I send emails to Gang members to get their input on the Town Topics of the Day. Get in on the fun – now!
Reprinted with permission from The North Providence Breeze
Cartoon by Charlie Hall
