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NORTH PROVIDENCE NEEDS MORE AMUSEMENT!

by FRANK O'DONNELL
October 21, 2007

The headline sure grabbed my attention: “Developer plans amusement park for Camp Meehan.”

Finally, I thought, a proposal with teeth.

If we’re giving up our open spaces anyway, let’s have some fun while we’re doing it.

I have it on good authority that the headline also caught the eyes of the folks who run a nationally-known amusement park chain, and they’re very interested in helping develop.

Should the proposal get past the town council, One-and-a-Half Flags Over Twin Rivers could be operational by 2009.

Naturally, the park will feature attractions that are North Providence friendly, featuring some local flavor.

Like signs at every attraction that say “Youse Gotta Be Dis Tall Ta Ride Dis Ride.”

Or the Centredale Rotary Tea Cups, which will spin riders in a circle for no apparent reason for five minutes or so, then sent on their merry ways.

On your way out of the Tea Cups, take a moment to read some of the town ordinances posted on the walls. In your dizzy condition, you may be able to make some sense of them. No promises, but it could happen.

Who needs a Superman ride, when One-and-a-Half Flags Over Twin Rivers offers the Garbageman Ride? Traveling at high speeds in cars shaped like garbage trucks, riders will be encouraged to pick up and empty trash cans along the route. If you get any of the trash inside the truck, good for you. If you dump it outside the truck, even better.

Be sure to check out the Parking Lot Bumper Cars. In addition to the other riders, you’ll have to dodge rolling shopping carts and little old ladies laden down with groceries.

And don’t miss the NP Super Cut-Through Speedway, a go-cart track that weaves through residential areas, school zones and church parking lots on the way to the finish line. There are multiple tracks here, and a variety of obstructions – fire trucks, moving vans, landscapers and of course, a plethora of speed humps.

I think many folks will enjoy the Town Council Thunderdome. First, you dress up as your favorite member of town government – from the mayor to the animal control officer and anyone in between. Then, you put on some oversized boxing gloves and jump into the melee. Not only is it fun, it’s also therapeutic.

Of course, there’ll be an arcade for relaxing. Check out the Whack-A-Condo game, fashioned after the popular Whac-A-Mole machines. When a condo pops up, you get to whack it with a sledgehammer. The more you whack, the quicker they pop up. Years of enjoyment in one simple game.

Developers expect the hottest attraction will be the Mineral Springs Flume, the first two-way flume in North America. Flume traffic will flow in two directions, with a third flumeway in the middle which riders can use to try to bypass others. There’s an element of danger, especially should someone coming the other way try to use the third flumeway at the same time you’re using it.

But when it comes to amusement parks, risk equals fun, doesn’t it?

Park planners expect the Mineral Springs Flume to be the most popular ride, and will advise attendees that frequent delays are to be expected, especially on Saturdays, when flumers can come to a complete stop, even on the downhill sections.

Personally, I’m looking forward to the Skateboard Park of Mystery. One week, it’s in one spot, the next in another. No one knows where it will be next.

One-and-a-Half Flags Over Twin Rivers.
 
A real slice of North Providence life.

Meet you at the Thunderdome.

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