(UN)RELIABLE SOURCES: 027
WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BASKETBALL TEAM?

by FRANK O'DONNELL
MARCH 11, 2007

I can't believe it.

I almost got called for a foul in a town recreation league basketball game last week.

No, I don't play basketball. My son does. I'm simply a spectator.

So how, you're wondering, does a spectating parent get called for a foul?

Get smart with a referee, and find out.

Here's the play-by-play.

My son's team wears purple jerseys. But none of the referees will call the jerseys purple. I've heard them referred to as black, blue and white, depending on the night, the referee and the color of the opposing jerseys.

It's never made any sense to me that these guys refuse to yell, "Purple!"

Purple's a great color.

It's the color of emperors, kings and Prince.

Deep Purple is a rock group. "Purple People Eater" is a rock song. Barney is a purple dinosaur I could have done without.

Purple has its own book, movie and Broadway musical – "The Color Purple" – though I'm not sure what any of them have to do with purple, the color.

Purple is popular.

So why can't basketball referees say it?

It's just two syllables.

It's not like we're asking them to shout lavender or magenta or heliotrope – all shades of purple.

I don't ever hope to hear a referee shout, "Foul on Heliotrope, number 22!" That's too much to ask. Besides, I'm not sure I could identify that particular shade – unless of course Heliotrope happened to be playing the Ivory team.

I'm told it's easier for the referees to use single syllable words. Folks in the know say it's to avoid the confusion of long words.

Which I could understand if it held true throughout the game. But listen to what happens the next time a foul shot doesn't hit the rim.

"Violation!"

Referees can handle those four syllables – so why not the two that exist in purple?

The other night, my son's purple-jerseyed team played the powder blue team. The refs decided that the powder blue team would be called Blue. Purple would be White.

And that's simply wrong.

Powder blue is so much closer to white than purple is.

So how tough would it have been to just slide down the color chart? Powder blue becomes white. Purple becomes blue.

The single syllable rule is in place, and there's no violation of the laws of physics as they apply to coloration.

I pointed that out to the referee. He did not agree. Nor was he amused.

About the third time he called purple white, I snapped.

"Purple!" I yelled. "Their jerseys are purple!"

"Foul on White!" he responded.

"There is no White team! Except for the numbers on the purple jerseys!"

My neighbor was sitting next to me, and urged me to calm down. "Your face is getting all red," he said.

"Purple! My face is getting purple! But don't ask the ref what color it is. He'll say it's white!"

"One more outburst, pal," said the ref, pointing at me, "and your team gets a foul! What team are you here for?"

It's not my fault he wasn't paying attention.

"Heliotrope," I said.

By the time he looked it up, the game was over.

By the way, White won.

You know, the ones in the violet uniforms.

** ** ** ** **

Care to join the North Providence Gang? Occasionally, I send out e-mails to get the Gang's opinion on a variety of topics related to our town. If you'd like to get in on the fun, send me an e-mail at frankocomedy@cox.net and I'll sign you up!