(UN)RELIABLE SOURCES: 022
WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT THIS ELECTION, ANYWAY?

by FRANK O'DONNELL
JANUARY 14, 2007

I'm turning into a town politics junkie.

In the past couple of weeks, I attended the special Town Council meeting where John Sisto was both voted and sworn in as our newest mayor, and the inauguration of the new town councilmen and school committee members.

People have asked me why.

Well, there are two reasons.

First, these town political functions have great entertainment potential. I'm there to observe, waiting for someone to trip up - verbally, mentally, even physically. It's like seeing a banana peel on the sidewalk, and waiting for someone to step on it. I'm not really proud of this characteristic, but it is what it is.

Second, at least one politician  - elected or un - will spot me, give me that look, and ask, "What are you doing here?"

That's why I go.

Plus, I'm there to report my findings. Here, then, are my notes from those proceedings.

(1) When speaking about John's new term, someone referred to him as the "intrim" mayor. On Mineral Spring Avenue, the middle "e" in "interim" isn't silent - it's ignored.

(2) Even though John is also called the acting mayor, don't expect to see him performing Shakespearean selections any time soon.

(3) The council had to pick a date for the special election. According to their pronouncement, the town charter requires that the election be held within 90 days of the vacancy it's going to fill. The vacancy was automatic on January 2, with Ralph Mollis's inauguration as Secretary of State. The election was set for April 3 - a span of 91 days. I've got a couple of Staples coupons, in case anyone at Town Hall would like to use them toward the purchase of a calendar.

(4) By the way, April 3 is Passover. I haven't read the town charter, but I'm willing to bet you can't hold elections on religious holidays. I'll also bet the Staples calendars have religious holidays marked right on them.

(5) I think it's about time we hired a diction coach for our public officials. At the Town Council meeting, I was invited to "slute" the flag. I couldn't see the flag from where I was sitting, but I sluted it anyway.

(6) "I pledge my commitment to you as your representative." It's almost boilerplate language for inauguration speeches. The diction coach would tell you it's important to take a little pause between "you" and "as." Otherwise, with the North Providence slur, it sounds like a school committee member is saying, "I pledge my commitment to youse."          
 
(7) The police and fire department honor guard was very impressive. As the firefighters entered the high school auditorium, I couldn't help but wonder if the golden axes were ceremonial or standard issue. Given that it's North Providence, I'm guessing the latter.

(8) The high school concert band did a great job with the music for the inauguration. But when you're performing at a political function, I can't believe that your best choice for a warm-up tune is "The Hustle."

(9) At the inauguration, a new Council president had to be chosen. Joe Burchfield won. He even looked surprised. If he ever ends up as acting mayor, I'd pay to see him perform at Trinity. He's that good.

(10) After Joe's election, they had to pick the Council president pro-tem - the guy who'll jump in when Joe can't serve. Manny Giusti won. Then they elected John Zambarano as the second president pro-tem. He'll jump in after Manny takes over for Joe but then can't serve. They must figure there's no way Joe, Manny and John would be unavailable to serve all at the same time, so the elections ended there. I say, why tempt fate? There are seven members of the Town Council. Why not make them all presidents, on a rotating basis? Everybody gets a week as president. That's seven weeks every year for each member. The remaining three weeks could be given to taxpayers in a random lottery. Make those weeks of service fall in July. Nothing happens around here in July.

(11) Finally, in answer to my son's question, it's just called "swearing in." There's no foul language involved. Well, maybe in the audience.

And maybe after a couple of politicians read this column.

** ** ** ** **

Care to join the North Providence Gang? Occasionally, I send out e-mails to get the Gang's opinion on a variety of topics related to our town. If you'd like to get in on the fun, send me an e-mail at frankocomedy@cox.net and I'll sign you up!