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WHAT IS RALPH DOING TO US?

by FRANK O'DONNELL
SEPTEMBER 23, 2006

Primary Day was nip and tuck. The Honorable A. Ralph sweated out the results of the preliminary skirmish in his quest to become our next Secretary of State.

The battle had been vicious. Ralph's opponent went negative early - and to Ralph's credit, that negativity stayed virtually unilateral.

Tell the truth, I took it a little personal when Ralph's opponent equated the way things work in North Providence to a certain HBO series set in New Jersey. If I were in charge, I would have had the guy whacked.

But not Ralph. Ralph stuck to his guns. (Okay, maybe in this context, not the best phrase, but you know what I mean.) 

As the night crept along, the tension at the Dillon Council Knights of Columbus Hall eased, little by little. Ralph let his hair down - what's left of it, anyway - and was gracious in victory.

His opponent, he said, had more money to spend, but Ralph was "rich in family and friends." Nice touch, even a little humble.

Then, as if the November election was a done deal - which Ralph will tell you is not the case - someone asked Ralph who would succeed him as Mayor of North Providence.

And that, my friends, is the million-dollar question. The one that's been bouncing around town ever since Ralph announced his candidacy.

Ralph sidestepped the question adroitly. He's a good guy, but let's face it, he is a seasoned politician. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

The voters will decide, he said. And he's right. We will decide.

So the question remains: who will be the fourth mayor of our little burg?

Speculation abounds. This town councilman, that state representative. This Town Hall insider, that local businessman. Someone told me they heard the Recycling Czar was considering a run. Naturally, there's a lawyer in the mix, and a perennial candidate as well.

I've heard as many as ten names whispered in connection with the impending need to populate the mayor's office. When you ask the man or woman on the street, many will mention my buddy, John Sisto, the town council president.

My apologies – perhaps "my buddy" is presumptuous on my part.

I run into John frequently, and he's always quite cordial. But does that make him my buddy?

Wait, what am I thinking about? He's a politician, and this is a potential election year. Of course he's my buddy.

If you ask him, I'm sure he'll say I'm his buddy too.

No, John, that doesn't mean you can put a sign on my front lawn.

Here's the thing I'm worried about.

If Ralph wins in November and becomes Secretary of State, his old office will be up for grabs.

A special election will be required, but it's not like you can put it all together the day after the general election. No one's going to spend the money to have an election or get elected until we know for sure the election's necessary.

Realistically, we're looking at a special election in January.

Which means the campaign will run through the holidays.

See where I'm going with this?

Christmas cards picturing a candidate as Santa, his opponents as red-nosed reindeer. Stockings filled with wrapped candy bearing the campaign pledges of all the candidates.

And the most unsettling prospect of all: a nativity scene featuring life-size replicas of mayoral wannabes as The Three Wise Men.

Ralph, how could you do this to us?