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Stop Signs, Stop Signs Everywhere!

by FRANK O'DONNELL
MAY 22, 2006

There's a new type of weed that's taken over North Providence.

Perhaps you've spotted them – red and white eight-sided blossoms on long green stalks. They usually appear at busy corners, but lately, they've been popping up everywhere.

The scientific name: Octagonal Haltums.

You know them better as stop signs.

Back in the day, stop signs only appeared where they were needed.

Thought went into planting them. Traffic studies were performed, needs were assessed, and the Department of Public Works initiated a work order.

No one's sure when all this changed, but stop signs seem to beget new stop signs. In fact, North Providence stop signs have become quite proficient at reproduction.

Here's how it probably started.

Citizen X thinks people were traveling too fast past his driveway or front door. He calls the Police Department to complain.

The Police Department send a cruiser to sit outside X's house once, maybe twice. The officer points a radar gun out the window, and makes a show of pulling someone over, all in full view of Citizen X. The full lights-and-siren treatment give X something to tell his buddies at work, and everyone is happy.

Word gets out about the speed trap in front of the X's house, and motorists find another way to get where they're going. All is well – for about a day and a half.

But as soon as it becomes evident the police are now busy staking out the houses of Citizen Y and Citizen Z, the problem returns.

So, X takes the next logical step and calls his councilman.

"These drivers outside my house are nuts!" says Citizen X. "Someone's gonna get killed! Just the other day, Bernie's cat lost his tail when a Monte Carlo took the corner too fast."

The councilman smells an opportunity - naturally. One simple phone call would make X, Bernie and Bernie's cat beholden to the councilman.

So the councilman calls the DPW and with the power invested in him, orders appropriate placement of a stop sign near Citizen X's house.

Other citizens hear about this, and start making their own calls. Electoral traffic engineering is the technical term. Traffic engineering by the people, for certain people, to annoy the rest of the people.

Before you could spell "stop," North Providence had more stop signs per capita than any other town in New England. In fact, the town recently received a plaque from the Stop Sign Manufacturers of America for single-handedly keeping two of its factories in Minnesota in business.    

Don't believe me?

Take a trip down Willow Street. It's a small road, barely one-tenth of a mile long, connecting Smithfield Road with upper Fruit Hill Avenue, running parallel to Mineral Spring Avenue.

You won't even travel a full lot's length from Smithfield Road before you have to hit the brakes. Oddly, you only have to stop heading west – if you're traveling east, you don't have to stop until you get to Smithfield Road.

A couple of lots later, another stop sign. This time, there are stop signs in both directions – so if nothing else, there is symmetry.

And a couple of lots beyond that, the stop sign at Fruit Hill.

Five stop signs along a 530-foot stretch of road.

Another case in point: Hobson Avenue. Combined with Central Avenue and Dewey Street, it creates a cut-through from Mineral Spring Avenue below the main fire station to Smith Street.

Three-tenths of a mile, five stop signs.

And here's the fun part. Dewey and Hobson merge, and travelers on Dewey appear to have the right of way. Except when you're on Hobson, it really feels like you've got the right of way. One spot that could use a stop sign, and it's not there.

Not even a yield sign, though I don't think North Providence drivers know what those are, far less what that silly looking word means.

Not too long ago, I asked A. Ralph if North Providence had enough stop signs. He laughed. "Driving home from work," he said, "I'm always coming to a stop."

I feel just a touch better knowing our mayor is stopping as much as the rest of us.

I was also glad to hear that the town council has passed an informal policy that requests for stop signs will be scrutinized before getting any formal action.

Which means that instead of stop signs, new sidewalks will be popping up like weeds.